Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
