i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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