I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
