I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize