South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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