So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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