Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
