i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
