guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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