I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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