Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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