I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
