My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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