I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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