life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
