so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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