Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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