He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
