jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
