He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
