Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
