So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
