Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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