I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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