These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
