I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
