textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
zippers are such a cool invention
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
