And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
