i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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