I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
