At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
