I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
