Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
