Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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