He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
