sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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