sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
