I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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