Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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