Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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