the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
