Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
