the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A+ Viking dick
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
