i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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