there's paper in my vomit.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
