Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
