fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
