I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
