Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
