Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
