I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
