Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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