If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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