it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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