I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
