It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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