Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
