I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
