come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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