I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
