i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
