Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
