apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
