its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
