he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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