everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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