how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
