dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk is a universal language darling
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
