loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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