First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
