Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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