i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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